A Definitive Guide To The Batman / Catwoman Controversy…
On June 14th the literary world was abuzz when breaking news dropped about America’s favorite bat-themed vigilante superhero. In an exclusive interview with Variety, the co-creator of the animated show Harley Quinn, Justin Halpern, explained “we had a moment where Batman was going down on Catwoman. And DC was like, ‘You can’t do that. You absolutely cannot do that.’ They’re like, ‘Heroes don’t do that.’ So, we said, ‘Are you saying heroes are just selfish lovers?’ They were like, ‘No, it’s that we sell consumer toys for heroes. It’s hard to sell a toy if Batman is also going down on someone.’”
The Internet exploded as only the internet can, with hot takes and spicy memes blasting across the series of tubes, but to date, this author has seen no serious attempt to answer the following questions:
- First, is it accurate that heroes ‘don’t do that’?
- Second, would Batman refuse to perform oral sex?
- Third, does it make it hard to sell a toy of the superhero is going down on “someone”? (Unfortunately Halpern did not clarify if the hangup was merely cunnilingus, or if a gay Batman performing fellatio would not have similar problems selling toys)
What is a hero? Merriam-Webster defines it as “a person admired for achievements and noble qualities” and “one who shows great courage”, which certainly apply to Batman. To get more precise on occupations qualifying as heroic, we looked at survey data gathered by Vantis Life for which are the top 10 most heroic jobs (according to Americans). From there, we gathered estimates for the number of these jobs in America and the percent of these jobs held by men. Note that in many cases these are rough estimates or the data is a few years out of date, but we consider it more than accurate enough for these purposes:
There are approximately 100 million men over 18 in the United States and a minimum of 13% of them qualify as heroes. Oral sex rates vary depending on your sources, but according to findings in The Journal of Sexual Medicine, 70–72% of women between the ages of 20–29 have received oral sex from a man at least once in the prior year, which is relevant because Bruce Wayne was ~26 years old when he became Batman. If 72% of all American men perform cunnilingus at least annually and at least 13% of all American men are heroes, it’s a near statistical certainty of overlap.
Moreover, according to data assembled by redbook, doctors and nurses are superb at performing oral sex on woman, with 55% of their wives calling them “the best of the best”. In the same survey, men in uniform such as firefighters and cops also are recognized as being able to sexually satisfy their women. Anecdotally, we can conclude that male heroes are generous lovers and more likely to perform oral sex than non-heroes.
To the first point, we can conclude that, in fact, male heroes do “do that”, if by “that” you mean performing oral sex on a female sex partner. This essay draws no conclusions or inferences on whether this applies to gay superheroes with male sex partners.
The hero question answered, we then examined whether or not Batman himself would perform cunnilingus. His alter ego Bruce Wayne is a billionaire, and there is evidence that being rich makes you selfish. Could this extend to his sex life? However, while Bruce Wayne could easily live the life of a playboy, he has dedicated himself toward fighting crime. He is a man who lives to help others. Consider the following facts:
- We know Batman has a very active sex life with a lengthy list of partners.
- Batman is the world’s greatest detective, and would have zero problems finding the clitoris, even with his mask on
- Batman is a genius, and would undoubtedly be aware that a strong oral game increases his chances of future sexual encounters
- Batman dresses up as a bat and his primary love interest is with a woman who dresses up in a black leather catsuit. We can surmise their sex is not vanilla
- Batman speaks over forty languages, and is therefore by definition a cunning linguist
There is evidence that some rich men, particularly within the DJ community, are so insecure in their masculinity that they refuse to reciprocate oral sex [citation needed]. However, combining Batman’s peak physical condition, unimaginable wealth, and penchant for using violence to subjugate both criminals and the mentally ill, it is far more likely that he channels his masculinity into his sexual performance as noted in this scientific article, “when men perform cunnilingus, they often view it in masculinist terms, for example, as an opportunity to demonstrate their skill and feel a sense of power in their ability to pleasure a woman (Gagnon & Simon, 2005). If so, a man giving oral sex does not necessarily reflect his perceptions of relationship quality, but instead may simply be a way for him to express his masculinity.”
And while Zack Snyder is not an authoritative source, he has directed the last two Batman films, and he did weigh in on the topic:
Finally, let us consider whether it is harder to sell toys if the character involved is going down on someone. We have evidence that certain sex acts do not result in the tanking of a superhero’s popularity. For example, as Kevin Smith noted, Green Arrow went south of the border twenty years ago:
Green Arrow has remained a popular superhero, with his own 8-season television show beginning in 2012.
In the first Deadpool film which grossed more than $780 million worldwide, there is a scene where the eponymous antihero takes it up the ass with a strap-on.
But the real question here is toys. When it comes to toy sales, Batman is overwhelmingly the most popular superhero, and superhero merchandise is overwhelmingly aimed at children. Here, we have an extremely limited data set since not a lot of superhero comics involve fellatio, nor do I have access to superhero toy sales data. I have reached out to DC Comics for comment, but they have not replied as of publication of this article.
In conclusion, we find that DC Comics is incorrect: Heroes do in fact do that, and more specifically, Batman has unquestionably gone down on Catwoman and probably many other lovers. However, on the final point we cannot totally fault DC, whose overarching goal is to make money, and perhaps made a wise financial decision in nixing the cunnilingus scene. However, as the Joker once said: sometimes, it’s not about the money, it’s about sending a message. DC Comics could have inspired an entire future generation of young men to be generous lovers.
Works Cited:
“Deadpool.” Box Office Mojo, www.boxofficemojo.com/title/tt1431045/?ref_=bo_se_r_1.
“The Essential Elements of Our Everyday Heroes.” Vantis Life Insurance Company, www.vantislife.com/tools-resources/featured-resources/wellness/2020-everyday-heroes.
Grohol, John M. “11 Surprising Facts About America’s Sexual Behaviors.” Psych Central, Psych Central, 6 Oct. 2010, psychcentral.com/blog/11-surprising-facts-about-americas-sexual-behaviors#1.
James, Jack. “A List: Batman’s Sex Life.” DisCONTINUITY, 5 Aug. 2020, therealbatmanchronologyproject.com/blog/a-quick-list-batmans-sex-life/.
Liu, Hui, et al. “A National Dyadic Study of Oral Sex, Relationship Quality, and Well-Being among Older Couples.” J Gerontol B Psychol Sci Soc Sci., vol. 74, 2019, pp. 298–308, www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6327665.
Otterson, Joe. “How ‘WandaVision,’ ‘The Umbrella Academy,’ ‘Harley Quinn’ Subvert the Superhero Genre.” Variety, Variety, 11 June 2021, variety.com/2021/tv/features/subverting-superhero-tv-wandavision-harley-quinn-umbrella-academy-1234992069/.
Piff, Paul K, and Jake P Moskowitz. Wealth, Poverty, and Happiness: Social Class Is Differentially Associated With Positive Emotions. Department of Psychology and Social Behavior, University of California, Irvine, 18 Dec. 2017, www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/emo-emo0000387.pdf.
Smith, Kevin [@ThatKevinSmith] “There was also a little pushback when we did the Green Arrow/Black Canary oral sex scenes in my run with @philhester and @andeparks 20 years ago. But my point to @DCComics editorial was “Oliver Queen just knows how to make the ladies Quiver. Especially when he hits the bullseye.” Twitter, 14 June 2021. https://twitter.com/ThatKevinSmith/status/1404545581666631681
Snyder, Zack [@ZackSnyder] “Canon.” Twitter, 17 June 2021. https://twitter.com/ZackSnyder/status/1405702805948538881
Stanton, Taylor, and Arye Zucker. “The Dark Knight Rises: Batman Tops Online Superhero Merchandise Sales.” Rakuten Intelligence, www.rakutenintelligence.com/blog/2016/dark-knight-rises-batman-tops-online-superhero-merchandise-sales.
“What His Job Means for Your Sex Life.” Redbook, Hearst Digital Media, 16 Oct. 2017, www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/sex/advice/g1384/male-sex-drive-by-job/?slide=3.
